Heart Knows

It’s been awhile since I’ve written anything substantial, something that I desire to change in the upcoming year. A writer’s gotta write! Otherwise he dies a little inside. As I’ve been gearing up for a new wave of writing, I’ve been looking at some of the last things I wrote or started to write.

This is a poem (I rarely write actual poetry) that I wrote on March 4th out of the depths of my heart. I didn’t quite understand it then, but looking back, it’s crazy how accurate it was then and now. It’s pretty rough, and still not finished, (are writers ever finished with their work!?) but out of the joy of seeing the faithfulness of God through the highs and lows since that time, I wanted to share it.

(Among other things, I was also in deep thought about the possibility of a relationship with Jessalyn at that point, hence the need for cryptic poetic expression I suppose! Haha!)

Heart is uneasy
Stomach a little queasy
A feeling deep within
Wonders when this might begin

Heart already knows
Simply watch it all unfold
What then, is this foreboding
An omen, or fear of failing?

Note minor frustration
Wisdom’s wit or lack of patience?
Progression seems far off
Underneath restraint of prior ruts

Heart wounded previously
Shrinks at thought of opening
Vulnerability was betrayer
Trust bestowed became traitor

Aftermath blurred truth
Wary eye kept on intruders
Childish innocence lost
Learned to bear cynical cross

Stumbles caused shame
Hidden deep for fear of disgrace
Refuge found in reclusion
Afraid venture would become coffin

Once branded an outcast
Desire buried in face of giants past
Dreams panned as too young
Diluted palatable for tender tongues

 

[Since this time, I’ve learned that this journey has been about trust and remaining steadfast in God’s faithfulness. Some of my best moments (first date with Jess, new car) and some of my worst times (biggest storms, darkest spiritual valleys yet) have defined this year, but looking back, I can see the hand of God moving me, hiding me, positioning me for His purposes. It’s an exciting time to be alive, y’all!]

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